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Sunday, July 24, 2011

2 days away from first chemo treatment

As chemo is 2 days away I find myself very anxious.  I dont want all those drugs in my body!!!!!!  I Dont want cancer.......  and I really don't want to loose my HAIR!!!!!!!!!!  so many things that I have no control over and I hate not being in control.   But what I am blessed to have is my family and friends that have stood by my side for these past 2 months and cried and laughed with me:) 
Matt and I went to the CVS last night to pick up my scripts for all the meds I get to take at home WOW!!!! I start taking all the pre meds today and then Tuesday morning we head up to Yale for my first treatment.  I know that Im going to beat this but shit it is scary. I find myself randomly crying often lately I have finally reach the poi:nt of scared!! When I first heard the words "Becky you have cancer" I had no emotion my family and friends all cried and I just comforted them knowing that my time was coming and I have to say here it is I am scared to death.  I cant sleep hardly eat and am always nauseous.  I have to busy of a summer for this I keep telling myself I need to just keep chugging forward.  Maybe it wont be as bad as Im expecting.  My next step is going to the radiologist and finding out if I will need radiation.  This is something I have been putting off.  In my mind I just want the chemo and then I want to be done.  But...... once again I am not in control ugh!  Thank you for all the prayers Love Becky

7 comments:

  1. Becks- you are a beautiful woman inside and out. You DEFINETELY dont need hair to let your beauty shine through! (or real eyebrows ;)

    You'll be rockin' some funky scarves and bandanas- and if you still need one when we hit football season, I'll hand paint you a fabulous Waterford Lancers head scarf! You'll be the envy of all!

    Love you- Traci

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  2. You've got this Beck! And I don't think it would be normal for you to be anything BUT anxious and scared right now. I think the anticipation of how will feel and look is probably worse than anything. Keep leaning on family and friends so we can all help to hold you up.

    Love you!
    XOXO

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  3. Of course you are scared, who wouldn't be? You are still an amazingly strong warrior! I am sure your beautiful face will look even more beautiful with no hair to hide it! Stay stong!

    Melissa C.

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  4. I can't even imagine the feelings and anxiousness you are experiencing. You are in my thoughts and prayers! I literally think of you everyday. You are smart, beautiful, loving, and an amazing mom and friend. When you are scared-smile, know you will beat this, because your friends and family say so and I believe it! Love you!

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  5. I love you guys:)Becky

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  6. Some women find that it gives them a sense on some control by shaving their hair off before the chemo takes it. It is a choice then is what I have heard them say. Sometimes their families have also shaved their hair off to be supportive. Don't know what you all might think but just thought I would share what others have decided was helpful to them. I have your name on our church prayer chain and the whole church lifted you up in prayer this morning as I told them you would be starting chemo on Tuesday. I know that many of them will remember to pray for you Tuesday. Try to eat as much healthy stuff as possible so your body can tolerate the chemo as well as possible. Love and hugs Theresa

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  7. Becky, I hope you remember us...Melissa and Christine, we had our pedi's done together the day before your surgery. I am still wearing a pink ribbon for you on my toes. Every pedi I get I wear your ribbon for inspiration. Your story has touched me so much. I pray for you and your family often. Look up to your angels for guidance and support, they are all around us. You have the strength inside to beat this and I share your story often. Thank you for your inspiration for my life and know you will beat this. Hugs to you and your family.

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